Golden Week: Part 1

(This post is rather long. Also early, because I won't be able to write a post tomorrow. I do it because I love you. <3)

It's now halfway through Golden Week and I feel like I'm just getting going. Hard to believe, really, when I consider just how much has happened since last Friday.

Fridays are one of two days in the week when I am sent on a half-hour bike ride to an Elementary school. The other day is Monday, which bookends my weeks nicely. This Friday, however, I was more concerned with whether or not I'd be able to make my train in time.

Luckily, it happened to be a week of home-visits. Every day last week, school would end after lunch and the students would head home. Shortly after, the teachers would stream out of the teacher room clad in identical black suits, carrying identical black briefcases, heading to their students' homes for a heart-to-heart with their students' parents. What that meant for me specifically, as a mere assistant teacher, was that I could finish up early and head to the Board of Education. From there, it's only 5 minutes by bicycle and I'm home.

I took full advantage of this fact. As soon as the clock hit 4:15, I ran down to my bike and turned a five minute ride into two minutes. At home, I rammed a long weekend's worth of clothes and toiletries into my backpack, and hopped back on my bike to head to the train station.

All in all, the entire procedure - BOE to home, packing, and home to train station - took about half an hour. And all I forgot was a tooth brush, which I soon found a ￥50 (~$0.60 USD) replacement for. Not too shabby.

Once in the great city of Okayama, the merriment began.

Our merry band

The plan was this: First, we would find a place to consume foods. Second, we would acquire the liquid beverages necessary to make the night perfectly forgettable. Finally, we would mosey on down to the club where our common friend was to execute his DJ skillz. At some point, presumably, we would have to emerge into the night/dawn and find something to do with ourselves. But we would cross that bridge when we got to it. And in the mean time, we could always book a capsule hotel.

As it so happened, we were bogged down from the first step. Our initial hopes of chowing down on a rooftop patio were beaten into nothing by the fact that Japan wasn't yet in "rooftop patio season." Instead, we ended up at a ridiculously over priced buffet restaurant that would later prove to be our downfall. You see, not only was it overpriced, it was also pretty much disgusting. In general, I'm not that picky when it comes to food quality. I have some picky habits (no bananas, thank you very much, and keep those raw tomatoes away from me), but if it's cooked, I'm usually okay with it. Still, I was admittedly daunted by what lay before me.

The fare was simple enough: fried rice and sushi, fried chicken and sausages, that sort of thing. But even the pasta was stale and seemed like it was, in fact, yesterday's dinner microwaved and presented today. Which made me suspicious of the sushi. Others, braver than me, tried the sushi and paid the price.

But that wouldn't come into play until later. In the mean time, we finished up our meal and headed out for the bar. It was time to take things to the next level. On the way we stopped into a konbini and bought ourselves a few chu-hais and canned beers. I know, real classy.

At the bar, we enlargened our group by about double. Possibly more, I'm not totally sure. We also consumed several more, slightly classier, drinks. Well, at least they weren't in cans. And I did have a glass of wine, which is definitely in a classier category than chu-hai.

Anyway, to cut a long list of drinks and drunken acts short, we got out of the bar after about an hour and a half, then headed to the club. As it turns out, the "club" was more like a private party for us. Not intended to be, I'm sure, but as we constituted about half the patrons, the club pretty much belonged to us.

Well, that's okay. I had expected it to be a small place.

Here, check out this video. It captures, in complete detail, the experience.

Seriously, I don't recommend watching the whole thing.

Sometime around 4 AM myself and a small remaining group stumbled out of the club. That small group then split into two and one group (mine) went to the capsule hotel while the other group went God knows where. Probably somewhere with more booze, if I were to guess.

As you might imagine, the following morning was something awful. I woke up after a fitful four hours of sleep and crammed some food into my mouth. An hour later, I was joined by two of my fellows and we plotted when to catch the train to Ise. One more person was supposed to join us, but the buffet food and booze had laid waste to his stomach and, quite frankly, he wasn't going to make it. He would try, he said, to catch a later train, but I wasn't holding my breath.

That day, not a whole lot was accomplished. Partly because our train didn't get into Ise until 2 PM. Mostly because actually doing things was not compatible with our current condition. To point: the first thing we did upon arriving in Ise was take a nap.

Us upon arrival.

Eventually we roused ourselves enough to make our way to a late lunch. We asked the hostelier for a recommendation and he pointed us in the way of Cafe Jamise. (You can see a picture of us here.) It turned out to be a truly awesome, chill spot. We seemed to be the only paying customers there, but we weren't alone. There was also some guy, apparently quite famous, playing a box-drum thing.

You know what, that description really doesn't do him justice. Let me try again.

There was also some guy, apparently quite famous, who introduced himself as Poutine. The entire time whilst we were talking, a constant drumming could be heard erupting from Mr. Poutine's direction - I quickly learned that this was a nearly unconscious act of his. The man's fingers drummed. It was their essence, their raison d'etre. A little bit later, he brought a Cajón out from his car and treated us all to a half hour of drum beats and finger rhythms that I could barely even follow with my eyes.

Suffice to say, he was pretty awesome.

We rounded out the rest of the day with some snacks by the river, an hour long game of 20 questions (highlights included "Under my bed" and "Air"), and shabu shabu. Just after sunset, we were joined by our final companion, who had finally ridden his stomach of all the vileness of the night before.

The next day could be an entire blog post in its own right. But as this post is already getting long, I'll sum it up in point form, chronological style.

• 10:00 AM - Awaken to our host playing super chill ambient music on his electric guitar.
• 10:30 AM - Wander into a konbini for breakfast, rush to the train station and barely make it onto the train for Futami and the Wedded Rocks.
• 10:45 AM - Arrive at the Wedded Rocks and wander about. Enjoy the ocean. Discover a several awesome frog statues. Collect sea shells and sea glass. Be happy.
• 11:45 AM - Catch train back to Ise.
• 12:00 noon - Arrive in Ise. Be disappointed at the fact that all the bikes have been rented. Decide instead to taxi it to the Inner Shrine of Ise Jingu.
• 12:20 PM - Arrive at Inner Shrine, wallet feeling somewhat lighter. Eat lunch. Wander the grounds. Get told off by security guards twice for failed attempts at Gaijin Smashing. Be rather impressed by the whole thing.
• 2:30 PM - Take a taxi back to the hostel. Check out, inspect bags, be cool. Drop off one of our number who is feeling rather exhausted. Walk to Outer Shrine of Ise Jingu. Encounter Power Rangers.
• 3:00 PM - Arrive at Outer Shrine. Walk around, realize that many of its buildings are exactly the same as the Inner Shrine, except that the whole thing is rather smaller and less pretentious. Be pleased.
• 3:45 PM - Walk back to hostel, pick up exhausted companion, walk to the train station and catch a train to Osaka.
• 5:45 PM - Arrive in Osaka. Drop things off at capsule hotel. Visit a record shop and be blown away by the cheap and awesome selections. Make our way to El Pancho. Be full of food and joy.
• 9:30 PM - Go to L&L, a tiny shisha bar in Shinsaibashi. Apparently it is also a favorite hangout of Boys2Men and "The Green Jedi". We decided the guy meant Liam Neeson. Be impressed. Also amused.
• 11:00 PM - Finally decide on a club to go to.
• 11:30 PM - Arrive at said club, only to be told we have to wait another fifteen minutes. We go to get another chu-hai from the nearby konbini.
• 11:45 PM - Enter the club, only to discover that, including the three of us, there are a total of 12 patrons. But it's okay, because it's so full of fake fog that we can barely even see each other. Proceed to dance. Witness the Great Circle Dancer. Drink. Be happy and exhausted.
• 3:00 AM - Finally exit the club and head back to the capsule hotel to get some sleep. Be amused at the porn playing on tv in the hallway, climb into capsule, fall asleep.

The next and final day of the first half of Golden Week (Monday, if you've managed to follow thus far) was a much slower day. We ended up just perusing some shops, catching a showing of Dirty Harry in northern Osaka, and finally taking the bus back home.

Since then, I've been in my inaka little town. Yesterday and today I had classes to teach. But now, that's all over. This evening, Golden Week resumes.

I'm comin' for ya, Fukuoka.

~Jeffles

What's in a Name?

So, the last post was kind of a non-post and I feel like I should make up for it. So here you go, have a Japan story.

One of the by-products of teaching English in a small community in Japan is that you tend to be around kids a lot. And when you're around kids a lot, it is inevitable that you are also going to be around their parents at some point. Because kids and parents go together like... like two things that go really well together.

Yesterday, one of my elementary schools held an open house day. What this amounted to was a horde of parents descending upon the school to watch their children in class. I'm unsure if they were there to support their kids or if they were there to see what kind of teachers their kids have. Possibly both reasons.

At any rate, I was not given any classes to demonstrate. Fine by me. The less responsibility foisted upon my shoulders, the better. Instead, I wandered about from class to class, showing my smiley face to all the little kidlets and saying hello to the parents.

At one classroom, I was approached by a particularly happy looking woman.

"Are you the English teacher?" she asked.

I replied in the affirmative.

"Oh great!" Her smile opened up wide enough to show her pearly whites. "You see my son over there? He has a younger brother now! Well, he already is the younger brother - he has an older sister, you know - but now there's another younger brother in the family."

Thinking she was just excited to talk to a foreigner who knew her son, I congratulated her. Given how fit she looked, I guessed the birth was not an immediately recent event. Still, it must be recent enough that it was noteworthy. I decided it has happened in the last few months.

"Well," she continued, "I told my son that he could name the new baby. He thought about it for a little bit, then said 'Canada'."

She laughed.

"Canada?" I replied, dumbfounded. Would a Japanese person actually use a name like that?

"That name is a little strange, of course," she said, "so we went with Kanata."

I told her I thought that was an excellent choice for a name. At that point her son barreled out of the classroom and into his mother. I grinned while she explained to the boy what she had just told me. He glanced at me shyly, then ran back into the classroom, presumably to escape my piercing gaijin eyes.

And there you have it. Your Jeffles has inspired the names of children in Japan. If that isn't internationalization, nothing is.

~Jeffles

The Shigyoushiki

Please pardon the lateness of this post. I fully intended to write yesterday, but somehow it just never happened. But it's for the best, really, because now I can write about the "shigyoushiki," or Opening Ceremony.

This story really begins a couple weeks ago. School had just ended for the year and I was mentally preparing myself to spend all day, every day, sitting at a desk with nothing productive to do. I would study Spanish, I decided. And because I am incapable of actually focusing on just one goal, I also decided to relearn how to do some basic programming. And to read some of those books that keep staring at me every time I go home.

Then my laptop exploded.

Jeffles Two Weeks Ago

Okay, I exaggerate. But the power cord had melted and the side of the computer started smoking. At first I smelled something burning, so I looked around. Had I lit incense and forgotten? It has been known to occur, but no, I hadn't done so this time. That's when I realized something was wrong and saw the stream of smoke rising from my laptop. Wasting no time, I reached for the power cord, hoping to yank it out and shut down the computer as quickly as possible. My first attempt was driven back, though, by a flurry of sparks erupting into my hand.

The true effect of the sparks, though, was to steel my determination. Lappy needed to be put down.

Heedless of the flying specks of fire, I grabbed the cord and yanked it out.

And I breathed. The sparks stopped, as did the smoke.

It's possible that all I needed was a new power cord, but between this event, my laptop's truly horrible speakers, its penchant for literally dying for no apparent reason, the common refusal to start up, the visual hues that keep changing and dead pixels that keep popping up, and the pure slowness and lack of power of the machine in spite of its annoyingly large size, I needed a new laptop. The next day I found PCTokyo and ordered myself a brand new machine. A week and a half later, it arrived.

With it also arrived a certain desire. This was a desire to play a new(ish) game. The newest game I've been able to play on my previous (exploded) laptop was a full five years old. So you see, I haven't exactly been enjoying top-of-the-line products. Thus it was, with a heart full of anticipation, I logged onto amazon.co.jp and ordered myself Skyrim.

What does this have to do with the Opening Ceremony? Well, you see, Skyrim arrived yesterday. And the Opening Ceremony was today. This morning, in fact.

Yes, I admit it. I did stay up until nearly 4:30 in the morning playing Skyrim, only to awaken three hours later to rush to work. Is Skyrim the reason I was late to the Opening Ceremony, the reason I wore an unwashed shirt covered in lint from an old sweater, but not a tie or a suit jacket, the reason I nearly fell asleep in the middle of the ceremony? Maybe not. But the chain of cause and effect has to start somewhere and that's as good a place as any.

I tried to waste no time, tried to get out the door as early as I could manage. But alas, fate was working against me.

I logged off my chat messenger and shut down my computer a full five minutes earlier than normal. Not thinking of anything beyond getting out the door, I grabbed the nearest button-up shirt, which ended up being the aforementioned lint-covered shirt. I grabbed my bag, affirming that all the necessary materials were present, and stepped toward the door.

Then I remembered, Friday is bottles and plastic garbage day. I checked I my watch. Crap. Fast as I thought I'd been moving, somehow five minutes had passed by in my preparations. Well, if I didn't take my trash out now, I'd have to wait two more weeks and plastic seriously knows how to pile up in Japan.

So I got my bags of plastics and bottles together, put on my coat and my bag, walked over to the garbage drop-off point, and then made my way back to my bike. Another five minutes elapsed. I was now officially late.

Well, I can just bike fast, I reasoned. Perhaps that might have saved five minutes, but at that moment I remembered something else I had to do: buy a bento lunch.

Normally, elementary school teachers (which is what I am on Fridays) eat the same school lunch as the students do. In fact, I have my very own personal schedule for which group of students I am supposed to eat with on which day. But today was a special day. Today there would be no kyuushoku. And late as I already was, there was no chance in hell that I'd be making my own lunch.

So I biked to a grocery store that is thankfully open 24 hours and somewhat on my way to school, picked up something tasty-ish looking, paid for it, and hopped back onto my bike. I was now a full ten minutes late.

If I bike really fast, I might be able to do it, I thought.

And maybe I would have been able to. Except that today I was biking directly into very strong winds for the entire ride. I'm talking the kind of wind that blows your umbrella inside out and threatens to pick up your grandma and deposit her in the next county over. Any dreams I had of making up the time I had lost were thereby shattered.

Grandma This Morning

Half an hour later, I arrived at a suspiciously quiet school. Suspiciously quiet in that it was as quiet as a school would be if all the students had been gathered into a single room and told to be quiet.

But here's the worst part. It hadn't even occurred to me that there might be an Opening Ceremony today until half way through my bike ride. On my schedule, all it says is that my day is full of meetings. No mention of the Opening Ceremony. (This would be why I was not wearing a suit and tie.)

So I arrived at the Opening Ceremony entirely unprepared, under-dressed, and late. What a way to start the school year and make a good first impression on the new teachers, eh?

The ceremony itself was quite boring, actually, and not very different from the sort of assemblies we have in Canada and the US.

All the students sat down in lines according to what grade and class they were in. Then the principle stood up and introduced the new teachers to the students. All the main players then gave speeches. Topics were standard fare ("Study hard and do your best!", "Don't forget your manners!", "Don't forget to have fun!"). We sang the school song (I mostly just pretended as I have no idea what the words are), then the students were introduced to their teachers.

This was one point that was slightly different. From what I remember, my schools when I was a kid always posted lists of who was in what class with what teacher. In Japan, though, the class stays the same. Only the teacher changes and even then, sometimes the teacher stays the same across several years. And again, slightly different, the teacher assignments were announced at the Opening Ceremony rather than posted somewhere as a list to be read.

Of course, there was also copious bowing, all the students wore uniforms (which they always wear, not just during ceremonies) and everything was conducted in Japanese. In these ways, the Opening Ceremony here in Japan is different from what we might experience in Canada or the US. That is, for schools in Canada and the US that actually have assemblies at the opening of the school year (and I know some do).

When the ceremony finally finished, I slunk out of the gym and went to the teacher's room to write this post. And so here I am.

~Jeffles

[Ramble]

So I lied. French is not the answer. Spanish is the answer!

Haha, yeah. I keep changing it. But this time is for reals! Seriously! It would be super useful (the US is full of Spanish speakers), I have tons of resources (both my parents are fluent), I definitely have motivation (half my family speaks Spanish and some of them don't speak English), and there's much Spanish literature to discover. Truthfully, my initial dip into the world of Spanish literature didn't go very well. Got just over halfway through One Hundred Years of Solitude and couldn't go any further. This was after about two years of effort.

I've got it! The book is mean to TAKE a hundred years to read, and then only if you're placed in solitude the entire time! Man, I am a genius.

Har har. No, I know, I have to give the book another chance. And there's gotta be lots of good books by Spanish-speaking authors out there. Actually, if you're reading this now and know of some such books, let me know!

In the meantime, I've been trying to figure out how I want to spend the rest of my time here in Japan. I want to travel, that much is clear. But I need to travel cheap, because I've sorta been hit by a bunch of unexpected costs recently. So how can I do that? I may have discovered the answer.

I remembered last night that I have a ton of Aeroplan points, which work for any airlines in Star Alliance. That's a lot of airlines! Best part, I have enough points to swing a free round-trip flight to pretty much anywhere in Asia. Huzzah. The question now is where?

The only time I really have to do such a trip is going to be in August. I reeeeeeally want to go to Southeast Asia, but there's a problem: August is monsoon season. Practically the WORST time of year to travel there. It looks like Malaysia is relatively dry during that time, though. So maybe I'll go to Singapore, then travel around to Malaysia and Indonesia, then back to Singapore to catch my return flight to Japan. I dunno. Could work. Might be fun. I hear that's a relatively cheap part of the world, too, so maybe it wouldn't be too expensive.

Sigh.

In case you didn't figure it out, I have nothing to do these days. I just sit around at the office and wait to go home. Much thinking and plotting (dreaming) is involved.

Well, okay, I guess I've done a few things. I finally made it back to Judo after three months. That was two days ago. I'm still sore. (Reminder to self: don't skip Judo for that long again!) I've also managed to learn about 100 words in Spanish in the last three days. So that's something. And I wouldn't exactly call myself bored. It's hard to be bored in a place like this, where there's always something happening somewhere. I'm just... not stretched enough. Yeah. Need more stretching!

[/ramble]

~Jeffles

Remembering the Red Men

Just a short post today. I don't have a lot of time, just wanna update you on the Saidaiji Naked Man Festival (Hadaka Matsuri).

To put it shortly, the festival was amazing. If you come to Japan and are here while it is going on, you MUST see it. There's nothing like it anywhere. At least, not that I know of.

It was admittedly pretty chilly outside, as it was nighttime in the middle of February. Given, though, that there were 4000 men wearing nothing but a loincloth (fundoushi), a pair of socks, and the skin they were born with, I decided not to comment on the weather. Hidden beneath four layers of fleece and windproof jackets, I really was in no position to complain.

Then I saw what they had to go through. While preparing to make the run into the temple, the men joined arms and had to run through a series of locations where shop owners, passersby, and firemen threw ice cold water at them. In a show of manliness, though, they simply turned that freezing water into steam as soon as it touched them. Alternatively, it may have been a show of drunkenness and simple body heat, but my bet is on manliness.

Finally, after charging through an ice cold pool that (I suppose) is meant to purify you before you enter the temple, the thousands of men converged. The result was a fleshy mound of butts, hands, and fundoushi. For the better part of an hour, they swayed along the stone temple steps, sometimes falling down the aforementioned steps in horrendously painful-looking avalanches. At one point early on, the police were needed and somehow, using what looked to me like Roman centurion tactics, forced their way into the center of the throng to retrieve a man. From what I've been told, he was either a trouble-maker or an casualty of the unrestrained masculine forces surrounding him. He looked like he could barely move as they pulled him out, so I'm guessing it was the latter of the two options.

Eventually, once the holy sticks had been retrieved and liberated from the killing grounds, they red men trickled away. That was the sign for us to begin our true drinking. Much of the remaining night is now a black haze for me. I know there were at least two bars and karaoke was involved. I also know that nihonshu is now my nemesis. Alternatively, it may be my kryptonite. A nemesis can be defeated, but I don't think this is a battle I could ever win.

At any rate, I trust the night was a good one. Best of all, more goodness is yet to come. Such is life in Japan.

~Jeffles

It's that time of the year again...

Happy Valentine's Day! And, for those of you who didn't know, Happy Birthday to me!

Yup, that's right. Good ol' Jeffles has aged yet again. He just can't stop! He's like a rabid badger on fire, running for a shiny, silver river! Not a damn thing could slow HIM down!

Sorry, I went a bit overboard there. I can't help it, birthdays always make me want to be silly like that. Actually, every day makes me want to be silly like that. Birthdays are just another day. Hrm.

Anyway, yes, I was born on Valentine's Day. That usually gets one of two replies, which tends to be divided along gender lines. From girls: "Aw! That's so cute!" From guys: "Huh." This is often followed up by a declaration that I'm incredibly lucky and that the girls must looooove me. Well, let me tell you! They most certainly do!

Wait, no, that's not what I meant to say. I meant to say that a Valentine's Day birthday actually kinda sucks because, on my birthday, all my friends are either with their girl/boyfriends or thinking about the boy/girl they wish they were with.

When I was a little kid, probably in Kindergarten, I discovered for the first time how poorly timed my birthday was. Valentine's Day rolled around, just like it does every year, and I trudged through the February snow to my school, just like I did every day. (In fact, I was probably driven there and had barely even touched my feet to the ground before I was inside the school.) Then, a wondrous thing happened. People started giving me cards. I did as my mother had told me I should do and gave back some cards. They were, as best I could figure it, thank you cards for all the cards that THEY had just given ME.

The day ended and I ran home (again, I was probably driven, but let's pretend I ran). When my mother finally came back from work, I proudly showed off all the many birthday cards I had received. It was clear as could be: my classmates loved me and praised my very birth like it was a holiday.

Barely restraining her laughter, my cruel mother then informed me that I was slightly misguided. Those were not Birthday cards in my hands, they were bloody Valentine's Day cards.

Ever since then, I must confess I've held a little grudge against the day of my birth. It's like the world saw me coming and thought "Nah, this guy's just too awesome. He's gonna have to be born on a day that can steal some of his glory or else none of the rest of us are gonna have a chance!"

Well fuck you, world. You can't bring me down!

This is why I, in fact, rarely celebrate my birthday on the actual day itself. Usually I designate the nearest weekend as party-time. Then, on my actual birthday, I tend to sit at home with a beer and be antisocial. This year, my beer of choice was Asahi and my antisocial activity of choice was watching Annie Hall. Pretty good movie. Not great, in my opinion, but pretty good.

This year I have two celebrations. Sort of. The first one was last night (the day after my birthday, a.k.a. February 15th). An influential townswoman who is very kind to us ALTs here in town took a few of us out for dinner. A few days beforehand, another ALT here in town informed her that I had be unsuccessful in acquiring the fabled Kobe beef during my recent trip to Kobe. So, wise woman that she is, the townswoman took us to a yakiniku place which, in her words, had even better beef than Kobe!

Well, I can't quite say if that's true or not since I've never eaten Kobe beef. But I can say that this was, without a doubt, the most delicious beef I have ever tasted in my life. I can hardly even comprehend the idea that more delicious beef might actually exist. Look, I even wrote a haiku about it.

This thick red wagyu

ravishes me to my depths...

joy unrelenting.

Sure, it's not a haiku in the truest sense - while beef is a natural product, the poem isn't exactly about nature - but I think you'll forgive me and enjoy the sentiment. Normally, I prefer my steak to be cooked about medium. Too much blood at it turns me off a bit; I want to feel like a civilized human eating a civilized meal, not a stranded castaway who couldn't cook his meat because the rain had prevented him from building a fire. But this beef... my god. Cooking it beyond rare would be a fucking tragedy. This is how good it tasted: if I died today, I would be satisfied knowing that I had eaten of the finest foods that mankind could even conceive of creating.

But enough about that. My second celebration is going to be this weekend, at the Saidaiji Naked Man Festival, also known as the Hadaka Matsuri. It promises to be a riotous good time and a sizable group of us have rented out an izakaya in the city for an after party. And to those who are wondering: No, I am not participating in the festival. It's not because I don't want to, but rather because temple rules disallow anyone with a tattoo from participating. :(

Anyway, I will have a good time regardless. It will be cold, but fun. I doubt it not.

Next week, I'll let you know how it all went.

~Jeffles

The End of the Death Machine

Huzzah! I have survived the flu! I am victorious!

And while most people realized I was sick, they didn't realize I had the flu. After all, if I had had the flu, I obviously would have been wearing a mask, right? Well, no. Because those masks are worthless by the time you realize you have the flu. I explained this to those who asked, but I don't think my explanation was really accepted. The reaction seems to have been more of a "stupid gaijin is going to make us sick, but we don't really want to insult him, so let's just nod our heads."

Well, whatever. I didn't make any of them sick, so they can... go be not sick. Yeah! *Makes GRR face*

In other news, we recently had a meeting in which I was forced to finally inform the people here that I am not renewing my contract. That's right, Jeffles will no longer be in Japan in six months. :(

But it's the right choice. I've discovered since coming here that, (un)surprisingly, teaching isn't really my thing. I never really thought it would be, but I had to try. After all, if there's one thing I know, it's the English language.

I have, however, since discovered what I think I would like to do for a living. It's hard to say that I'll still want to do it ten or twenty years from now, but it certainly seems to be a job that fulfills all the things I want to do. What is it exactly? It's the US Foreign Service!

Now, now, I can hear what you're thinking. "But Jeffles! You're not even American! And since when did you care about politics?"

Well, to answer the first point, you forgot a key word. I'm not American yet. I do have a Green Card, ya know. And I have sort of been living in the US for nearly 17 years, so I practically am American. I just have to spend a couple more years in the US, then write the citizenship exam and BAM! Problem solved.

And to the second point... I do care! I care a great deal! I just tend not to actually say anything for a variety of reasons. First, I don't want to accidentally piss someone off. Second, I've always been slightly paranoid that people are watching me and waiting for any sign of dissent in order to deport me. O.O And third, the only people who actually ask my opinion tend to be asking my opinion on stuff that they've looked into extensively and I haven't. Like the status of the current debate on the validity of the thirteenth amendment. (I just made that up. I don't know if there is such a debate or what the thirteenth amendment is... though I will certainly find out.)

(Huh. Maybe I should have chosen a different amendment. Apparently the thirteenth amendment is pretty much uncontroversial. Way to go, Jeffles, implying that the abolition of slavery is controversial. >_<)

So yeah, Foreign Service. I think it would be pretty cool. Travel the world, be a diplomat, be a PR agent for the United States, learn languages... cool stuff. Speaking of which, I've started learning Mandarin Chinese. So... if you wanna help me out with that, please let me know.

I can hear you. You did another double-take, didn't you? Yes, I'm living in Japan and studying Mandarin Chinese while trying to function in Japanese. Don't be confused, it's exactly what it sounds like.

Why not Japanese? Well, you apparently don't get a lot of points on the Foreign Service Exam for speaking Japanese. And if the Foreign Service thing doesn't work out, Mandarin Chinese is going to be pretty damn useful for me anyway. So it just seems like a smart thing to do on the whole.

In fact, Mandarin Chinese is not the only thing I'm studying. I'm going to have to probably get a Master's degree in something if I want to be competitive for the Foreign Service, so I'm doing a little self education to fill in a few gaps before beginning the applications. Mandarin Chinese, US History, US Civics, and Finance and Economics. Got a timetable and everything.

If anyone knows things about the above topics, please get in contact with me. I'm currently using Wikipedia, FSI, and Khan Academy to inform myself about the above stuff, but the reality is that I'm just pleading with the internet to inform me. If you or someone you know actually is informed about this stuff and can point me in a helpful (introductory) direction, please let me know!

Oh yeah, I have a working electric heater now. No more propane death machine for me. Life is good. Damn good. :D

Cheers,

~Jeffles

Attack Of The (Killer?) Flu!

The flu has come. The season has arrived. And are we ready for it? Maybe.

On the one hand, Japan seems to take this stuff seriously. Every day at the office/teacher's room, I overhear phone call after phone call talking about influenza. For weeks, teachers have been asking me, "How are you feeling? You know, the flu is going around." I've heard that at some schools, teachers are even showing kids videos on how to defeat the evil flu monster, should they encounter it in their travels. And of course, there are veritable hordes of people wearing those oh-so-effective face masks.

At some of my schools, classes are running at minimum capacity. I say minimum capacity because there actually IS a minimum capacity. If more than a certain percentage of students call in sick, that entire class is told not to come to school. I'm not sure what the exact percentage is, but let's just say, for the sake of this example, that it's 40%. If more than 40% of grade 5 students call in sick, no one in grade 5 is allowed to come to school. But grades 1-4 and 6 would still have to come to school. The threshold hasn't been passed at any of my schools yet, but I know of a few other towns nearby where it has been.

This in particular is kind of interesting to me. Usually it's impossible to take kids out of a classroom. Suspensions and expulsions, for example, simply don't exist here. At least not in Elementary and Junior High School. This is because, in Japan, children have a constitutional right to be in the classroom. (Senior High School is the exception because mandatory education ends after Junior High School.) So when I say that the Japanese really seem to take the flu seriously, I mean it; they'll break the fucking constitution in the name of the flu.

On the other hand, they seem to lack many basics. For example, it's considered extremely rude to blow your nose in public. Even if you happen to have a packet of tissues on you, you'll have to find some way to excuse yourself every time your nose starts running. And when you're in the middle of teaching a class, that's pretty damn difficult. And god help you if you sneeze and have end up with a booger hanging loose.

Also, I have yet to see a single Japanese person so much as possessing hand sanitizer. But I suppose that's not too surprising given that most people's idea of washing their hands is to splash a little water on their palms and walk out the door. Actually, I exaggerate. Usually they just walk out the door.

Anyway, strange hygenic practices aside, it's certainly been somewhat interesting to be in Japan during a flu outbreak. Unfortunately for me, I have also become a victim. Today is day four and, while I'm finally starting to feel a little bit better, it's probably going to take another two or three days before I'm feeling up to scratch. Which sucks, because I was planning to go to Tokyo this weekend.

Poop.

I have noticed something interesting, though. All of my schools appear to have been forewarned as to my sickness. Allow me to illustrate with an example.

It was about two days ago. I had just finished up lunch after teaching all morning and was heading to my afternoon school. It's a pretty cool place, one of my favorites actually, but it's a twenty minute bike ride in the cold. And half way through it started to snow. While I was shivering from fever.

I suppose I should have just taken a sick day, but you should know that things are never that easy in Japan. Taking a sick day means first taking off vacation days when I call in to say that I can't go to work. Then I have to go to the hospital to get a doctor's note saying that I'm too sick to go to work. After acquiring such a note, only then am I allowed to exchange the used vacation days for sick days. Unfortunately, I was neither convinced that I possessed the Japanese skills to get the correct note nor certain that I was sick enough to be excused from work. And given that I only have five vacation days left, I didn't exactly want to give them up. So instead, I gaman'd.

I arrived at the school and, as normal, proclaimed a loud "konnichwa!" to let my presence be known. I slid open the door and, almost immediately, was asked by the head teacher if I would like some miso soup for my cold.

Remember, this was only the second day of my illness. I had barely told anyone that I was sick, and absolutely no one I'd told was connected to work. So how did she know? And clearly she did know, because she'd been waiting for me with miso soup which had clearly been prepped and cooked in advance of my arrival. I can only surmise that one of my coworkers had noticed I was sick and spread the word.

This soon proved to be the case at every other school I went to. While no one else had prepared miso soup for me, they had all clearly been forewarned. There were cough drops and cups of tea waiting for me on my desk, that sort of thing. Which is kinda creepy when the only way they could have known that I was sick is by either stalking me or being told by someone else who knew.

Life in a small town, eh?

At any rate, I hope that this time next week I'll be feeling great again. I'll let you know then (yay another blog post!).

~Jeffles

P.S. As far as I know, no one has died yet from this outbreak of flu, which has spread all throughout Japan. But I'm probably just poorly informed and lots of old and already sick people have kicked the bucket. The title is just a bit of dramatic flair. Because flair is COOL.

Watching the Hourglass

Hello everyone! I'm back for post numba 2!

First, an update. My lack of heat has been very thankfully solved. Turns out that the gas was off for some reason and, to fix it, all I had to do was press a button. Which was, of course, the only button on the gas box. *headdesk* There was, apparently, no need to suffer through three days of winter camping inside my own house.

Hot showers are awesome. That's all I'm sayin.

And it just snowed. Literally, as I was writing this, the staff room erupted into "sugoi! yuki!" and I turned around to discover that, indeed, there was much yuki falling from the sky.

Another update: I finally (FINALLY!) posted another video on youtube. This one is about the daimyo gyoretsu in Yakage that I went to about a month ago. As you can tell, I've been slightly lazy about editing and uploading it. Anyway, they moved really slow, so I sped up the video to 300% it's normal speed and cut out a lot of repetitive stuff. In totally, the raw video is just over 20 minutes while the edited video is about 3 minutes. I am ze master editor. (Watch out for Lauren's wiggle dance. It's fun times.)

Interestingly, I have apparently posted material that is copyrighted in Germany. They pounced on that thing. Literally, about two minutes after I uploaded the video to youtube, I got an email saying my video was blocked in Germany. Sad times. I apologize to all my (non-existent) German viewers. I promise to be more careful in the future... sort of.

Tomorrow I go home for Christmas/New Year's break. Do you know what that means? That means that I've been in Japan for four and a half months. That's insane! It feels like it's only been about a month. I mean, I only just arrived, right? How can I be going back already?

There's so much more that I still plan to do in Japan, it seems odd to suddenly take a break from it all. On the one hand, it'll be nice to eat some good pizza and have a real, North American style breakfast. On the other hand... Asia! Hell, I haven't even gotten out of Japan yet. And I've only been in three prefectures in Japan. The explorer in me is crying out for more. There's so much, SO much that I want to do and haven't gotten to yet.

Here's a short list of things not yet done. Let's call it my New Year's Wish List.
- Onsen
- Kobe beef
- Niimi caves
- Tottori sand dunes
- Skiing in Japan
- Spend a night in a love hotel
- Spend a night in a temple
- Discover the night life of Tokyo
- Buy a kimono
- Visit Beijing and see the Great Wall of China
- See the Forbidden Palace
- Witness the conversion of sunny sky to polluted sky in a Chinese city
- Spend a week on a Thai island in the sun
- Get a tattoo from a Buddhist temple in Thailand
- See the hill tribes of northern Thailand

It's a good thing that I still have 8 months more here after I come back.

~Jeffles

In The Frozen Tundra

Hi there everyone. Sorry for the lack of new post last Thursday. I do have a good reason, but I'll try to do two posts this week to make up for it.

What's my reason? Well, as I'm sure several readers know, there was a midyear conference to improve our teaching skillz. Did it work? Who knows. But then, it's not even midyear yet, so obviously the name is already a misnomer. Which means, of course, that the premise of the conference is suspect. If so, it follows that whether or not my teaching skillz improved may actually not matter. Emphasis on the possibility aspect.

Yeah, I know. That's a load of bull. Anyway, because of this conference I didn't have access to my computer last Thursday. You see, the conference lasted for three days (Wednesday to Friday), every evening of which involved a night time drinking adventure for me, and the last two evenings of which I didn't even make it back to my town. Try saying that sentence five times fast. Then, on Saturday, there was an end-of-year party hosted by one of my schools that I had to attend.

This all added up to an exhausted Jeffles with a liver pleading for mercy. I'm pretty sure the last couple weeks have knocked an equal number of years off my life. So yesterday was, essentially, a write off. Thus today is the first day I can actually post something here.

I'm trying to decide what to talk about now. The cold and my lack of heating? A story from the last four days? A deep account of how I feel separated from the world here? I don't know. So I'm gonna eenie-meenie-miney-moe it.

Here we go...

...

...The cold and my lack of heating it is!

This is going to sound like bitching, moaning, and general complaining. That's because it is. As probably anyone who knows me is aware, I'm a summer guy. Winter and cold times really aren't my thing. It is, in fact, the entire reason why I never want to live in Canada again. Enough of this winter crap, I'm ready for a lifelong summer. Starting now.

Of course, that's not going to happen. So my method of fighting off the winter is to crank up the heat at home, take lots of hot showers, and do my best to wear clothing that cuts the wind when I go outside. That and get drunk. Even if it does actually make you colder, it also makes you too numb to notice the cold.

But as I said, too much drinking lately, so that last option is currently out. And, thanks to god knows what, I am also unable to crank up the heat or take a hot shower. I arrived home after my short trip to Okayama City only to find that I had no working heater and no hot water. I don't understand why. They were both working fine before I left. They both use gas to heat up, though, so maybe something happened to the pipe? Froze over or something? I don't know. I'm gonna ask one of the office people about it tomorrow.

So after spending one night freezing my ass off, I went out yesterday to equip myself with the items necessary to use my kotatsu. For those who don't know, a kotatsu is basically a table, a heater, and a blanket to keep the heat in a limited space. Think of it as like turning your table into a pillow fort and keeping it heated inside. (Yes, that's what I'm thinking every time I use it.)

While I was still in the kotatsu, it was very nice. Very nice indeed. But then, of course, I eventually had to go to bed. That was okay, because I was still feeling quite toasty. But waking up in the morning was TERRIBLE. There was no escape. I could see my breath inside my own damn house. Nothing quite like getting changed into cold clothes when you're already cold.

For a little while, I was wondering just how I would shave. As many of you probably are aware, I'm kind of a hairy guy. If I go to work without shaving, that don't look good. Hell, even in high school my teachers wouldn't let me get away with not shaving for a day. And believe me, I tried. So this morning I boiled some water, poured it in the sink, and used a hand towel dipped in the sink to soften my face. It also worked pretty well for the razor (shaving with a cold razor SUCKS). So this is a good thing to keep in mind for the future.

I'm really hoping that this lack of heating and lack of hot water doesn't last all winter. I'd really like to take a shower at some point. Deodorant can only work for so long...

There ends my complaint. Japan is cool, but they need to get their winter equipment sorted out. I fear things are only going to go further downhill from here. But that may just because I have to leave this warm room and go back to a cold home in a few short minutes.

Sigh.

~Jeffles

P.S. Gonna try to put up a new video tonight. I'll edit that link in later.

Where have all the humidities gone?

It's been getting chilly here. Kinda surprising how fast it happened, to be honest. I still remember quite vividly the heat and humidity of the summer. Hell, I wrote about it. You probably remember it. Seems like one week it was summer, then the next week the humidity was gone and the temperature just started rolling downhill from there. Every day is a degree colder. Every day I have to wear just that little bit more to stay at my ideal temperature.

Actually, in order to maintain that aforementioned ideal temperature with those aforementioned clothes that I have to wear, I recently went on a bit of a shopping spree. Uniqlo (a "budget" clothes store spread all throughout Japan that has Western sizes) was having a sale. And I needed new clothes. The loot is as follows

- lightweight, but excellently effective windbreaker/rain coat

- two pairs of black chinos (for work)

- a dark grey sweater (also for work)

- two long sleeve shirts (still for work)

And the total price was... I'm not telling. Even with everything on sale and it being a "budget" place, it was still all expensive enough that I'm almost ashamed to have spent that much. I did actually need that stuff, though. I didn't have enough long-sleeve shirts, I didn't have a single sweater or vest or warm thing I could wear to work, and all the black pants I brought with me are unusable. I did have one pair of pants that could have worked, but as they're half of a rather expensive suit, I wasn't very keen on using them.

Yes, that really is what I tell myself to justify the moneys.

Anyway, afterward I splurged on candy from the Sweet Factory (zomg real candy in Japan! real, squishy candies!). Then I headed downstairs to the new import store (sells foreign goods) and got a few Belgian beers and Californian wines. Expensive, but 100% worth it.

Why worth it? Well, because it's not that easy for me to get stuff that I was used to in North America. Like good wine and good beer, both of which I am absolutely a lover of. I can get the stuff, but it takes a fair amount of time and effort and travel. So when I do get it, I am quite pleased.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good substitutes. I'm learning to appreciate the different sake available. And I've learned that, for the most part, people don't really say sake. Sake is nihonshu (often translated to me as Japanese wine). It's made from rice and damn it goes down smooth. I prefer it cool or at room temperature rather than warmed up, personally. "Sake" is just a catch-all term for alcohol in general.

But there isn't just nihonshu, there's also shochu, which is a clear distilled beverage kind of like vodka with a lower proof. Well, sometimes it can be 40% like vodka, but it usually comes in at about 25%. Anyway, I mention shochu because it can be really hard to tell the difference between shochu and nihonshu without drinking it. The labels are confusing, because they often display the type of shochu or nihonshu without saying that it's shochu or nihonshu, and I don't already know the different types. So a lot of it ends up just as a guessing game at the supermarket.

Anyway, enough rambling about that. The point is that I have found other alcohols to explore and learn about so as to distract me from the lack of familiar alcohols. And the same goes for the lack of good pizza, good French food, good Chinese, etc. And yes, there really is a lack of good Chinese food. There isn't a single Chinese restaurant in my town and I have found a total of 1 Chinese restaurant in my prefecture. For shame, Japan. For shame.

At any rate, I have now acquired warm clothes and alcohol that I know something about. As far as I'm concerned, I'm all set for whatever Japan has to throw at me now. In fact, one of my fellow teachers mentioned that she knew of a good wine bar in nearby Fukuyama, so we will hopefully check that out soon. Hooray, wine! Hooray!

I am way too excited about this. I swear I'm not an alcoholic. I just appreciate quality drinks.

This weekend I'm headed to Nara. Actually, we couldn't find a place to stay in Nara itself, so we're staying in Osaka and then heading into Nara for day trips, but I'm okay with that. Looking forward to playing with some deer. :D

And that's about all I got. It's Thanksgiving in the US right now. My American friends here in Japan are all lamenting their missed holiday right about now, but I have to say, I've never really felt particularly attached to that holiday. It always felt like such an arbitrary, silly day to me. Why pick one day to be thankful? It's almost like an excuse to not be thankful the other 364 days of the year. And why that day? There were plenty of other thanksgiving feasts that were held at different times.

Re: History.com - "For more than two centuries, days of thanksgiving were celebrated by individual colonies and states. It wasn't until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, that President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held each November."

Perhaps I'm just a weird Canadian/Mexican who doesn't believe in the value of nationalism. Or maybe Thanksgiving really is weird. I dunno. Here's my blog, you decide.

~Jeffles

Epiphanizing

Howdy there. What's up? How's it going? Done anything cool since last we spoke? Yeaaah, I am pretty much amazing at icebreakers. I practice them every day in the mirror. Step out of the shower and BAM ICEBREAKER TIME. Can you tell?

So last week, I mentioned that I had come to some epiphanies. Really, there's one important one which has suddenly explained a lot of Japan to me. But a few weeks ago I had another epiphany which, on further reflection, turned out to be only a small epiphany that tied into a previously held belief. It did, however, reveal something else. So...

Epiphany #1: Japanese people out here in this part of the country are essentially just like small town, suburban people back home.

I came to this epiphany at the mall in Kurashiki. I'd gone down for the day to pick up a few important items for my home and life in general. An electric kettle, for instance, so that I didn't have to boil water in a pot on my stove every morning, which for some reason I find hugely unappealing. I also needed a light for my bike, because my previous light (a motion-sensor thingie that I don't pretend to understand) mysteriously stopped working

Anyway, I was walking around and I realized that it was a scene I had seen before. Though I didn't understand most of the words that people were saying around me, I did recognize the social dynamics, the tones of voice, even the underlying feeling in the way everyone was dressing. Parents were just like suburban moms and dads back in Canada/America and the kids were exactly like the kids I had known in high school. (Side note: my high school was in a small town that was sort of like the central hub for all the surrounding towns which were even smaller.)

This lead to the further understanding that I had been thinking of Japanese people first as Japanese and second as people. That might be understandable. The first thing you say to yourself when you get off a plane in Japan is "Sweet, I'm in Japan." The second thing you say is "Hey look, everything's in Japanese." And finally, you say to yourself, "Check it out, everyone's Japanese."

So when you are in this foreign country, you automatically distance yourself from it. You become an observer and everything around you becomes something like a reality TV show. This is fine, but when you distance yourself from the people around you, you create an Us And Them scenario that tends to dehumanize the Them. No longer are the people around you people, they're Them, the Japanese People.

This was something I had already known might happen, so I wasn't too surprised to notice it. Thus why Epiphany #1 is really only a small epiphany that builds on what I already know; people around the world are ultimately the same - they're just people.

I remember being about sixteen and speaking to an older friend of mine who was in the military, serving in Afghanistan at the time. He told me something that I've never forgotten, mostly because it is simply so true. "People in countries other than America aren't any less stupid than Americans, they just speak a different language."

Epiphany #2: The uniqueness of Japanese culture is derived from an obsession with details.

I came to this realization not too long ago and it explains so much about things that are considered to be traditionally Japanese. Kimonos, ikebana, calligraphy, karate, everything. It also extends to things like their reputation for being amazing at math, for producing consistently high quality electronic goods and cars, etc.

Now, before I'm accused of making a sweeping claim of an entire people, let me forestall you: I'm only talking about a cultural point of emphasis. I'm not saying that every Japanese person is detail-obsessed. I'm saying that most of the things that make Japanese things seem Japanese are all about being detail-oriented.

I don't know how to explain the logic behind this one other than making an a priori argument: it is simply what I see every day.

The other day, for example, I was inside a house that I regularly go to. This house is a marvelous work of traditional Japanese culture. The construction, the grounds, the garden, the decorations, everything about it is Japanese. In the genkan (entrance where you take off your shoes), there is a flower vase. It is quite well arranged and placed in a pot that is itself rather nice. So I asked the lady of the house if it was ikebana.

Her reply, which I admit I only partially understood, was that it was not ikebana. But the reason it wasn't ikebana was that the details were slightly off. The angle at which this stem sat, the number of flowers in it, the fact that there were plants instead of flowers, etc. She listed several reasons, all of which seemed to be saying "This is not ikebana because the details are wrong. Ikebana is not just the arrangement of flowers in whatever pretty formation, you ignorant lout."

Well, she didn't call me an ignorant lout. She was actually quite nice about the whole thing. But I started to look around realize that everything the Japanese do seems to emphasize getting the details right.

If you wear a kimono, you better damn well make sure that every fold is perfect. Make sure the left side crosses over the right side, or damn you to hell and back. Make sure the collar at the back of your neck exposes just the right amount of skin, or your life ain't worth one yen. And if you get the bow wrong in any way, God help us all.

Judo is seemingly slightly more lenient, but the emphasis is on slightly. (Oh My God, you mean there's more than one way to tie a Judo belt?) In practice, the main point is to use what you like, when you like. But, of course, whatever you choose to do must be done perfectly. Feet placed at the perfect angle, head turned just the right amount, torso twisting exactly to 15 degrees - any more and you'll fly off your feet, as I've embarrassingly done several times before. There are so many little details that have to be perfect, and I haven't even mentioned the greetings, the seat assignments, and even the way you're supposed to move between drills.

I could go through probably every Japanese cultural activity I mentioned and point out how detail obsessed it is. But I won't bore you with that. Look for yourself. It's more amusing that way.

Anyway, I can totally understand now why Japanese people are also so obsessed with the enkai (after work party). Every day, all day, they put their all into making sure every little detail is perfect. That has got to be exhausting. Never thought I'd say this, but thank God I'm not Japanese.

~Jeffles

Forming Habits

Forgive me if this blog post is a bit shorter than normal, I just squeezed out two thousand words of novel. If it sounds painful, that's probably because it was.

The last couple of days were actually quite good. I seemed to know what to write and where to go. Today I knew where I wanted to go, but had no idea what to write. I think there's just days like that. You just gotta push yourself and do it. Like any other habit you're trying to form. Speaking of which, I had a funny moment yesterday. It requires a little back story, though.

After the Halloween party on Friday, I found that I had become sick. What I have decided is that my body had actually been fighting something off for a while, then my deluge of fun times ruined all those efforts. Thus the disease won, my body lost, and the rest of my weekend can be described accurately as: snot, sleep, and holy crap gross.

Saturday and Sunday were definitely the worst days with Monday being pretty bad, but slightly better. Tuesday was pretty much the same as Monday. Luckily, I didn't have to go to any classes on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. (My schools were having culture festival things.) And then Thursday is a national holiday, so hooray. My sickness did not, in any meaningful way, affect my job. However, Tuesday is Judo day.

Yeah, that wasn't going to happen. As I missed the previous practice on Friday due to the Halloween Party, I had fully intended to go on Tuesday. But alas, my body cried "no!" and I listened. So I tried to call my sensei, but for whatever reason he wasn't there. Well, I tried.

Or so I thought. Yesterday, my sensei actually called the office and told me to come to Judo. Oops! Anyway, I explained to my boss that I was sick and that was why I hadn't gone on Tuesday. Given that my voice sounds like something out of a horror movie, he had no doubt I was telling the truth. Even jokingly told me that my voice sounded sexy. Hah! Whoever said the Japanese don't know how to be sarcastic obviously never met my coworkers. :D

Anyway, he said he'd let my sensei know and I was able to relax, greatly relieved. Yet I also know that, should I slack off any more, I'm probably in for a world of hurt. Tomorrow is Friday, another Judo day. And my voice may have been replaced with that of some hellish demon's, but you can bet your butt that I'm going. No matter how I'm feeling. Which brings me back to my earlier point.

Feeling like crap? Who cares! Your habits are your responsibility. Take it seriously, yo.

At least, that seems to be the opinion here. I've seen it lots of other places, too. I can't talk about them, though, as they deal with stuff at the workplace and, as I said a while ago, I intend not to talk about that kinda stuff on the blog. Anyway, we foreigners get cut a little slack, but just a little. (Obviously.)

And that's all I've got for today. I've made a few observations, actually. Come to some epiphanies. That kinda thing. No drugs required, just Japan. But I don't feel like typing anymore today. So... have a good one.

~Jeffles

The Daily Bread

Hey, been a while. How's things? Wife and kids doing alright? Good, good...

Good god. Let there never be a day when I actually say those things in earnest.

It's interesting that when I sit down to write these blog entries, I often find it difficult to actually think of things to write about. This is interesting because it's not as if I have nothing to write about. Quite literally, every single day is packed. I don't have one weekend to myself this month and I haven't had a weekend to myself since coming to Japan two months ago. Already, next month's weekends are getting taken up.

Yeah, that last one's gonna be a bit of a problem. You see, I've been planning for a while to take part in NaNoWriMo. For those of you too lazy to click though the link, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. Frankly, the name is a bit of a misnomer; it's actually quite international.

At any rate, the goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days (that's November 1st to November 30th). Whip out your calculator, please. Yes, you are quite correct, those numbers mean that any bright-eyed NaNoWriMo Writer must churn out a paltry 1,667 words a day. Me being the busy bee that I am, I'm aiming for 2000 words a day. That should give me a buffer of 5 days to slack off-- I mean, 5 days in case of emergency.

Alternatively, I could just write an extra 10,000 words. But let's be serious here.

This word count means that time is of the essence. It's not easy to write 2000 words a day. And it's even more difficult to write 2000 good words a day. That takes time, which the prospective writer does not exactly have a lot of. When, further, weekends and weeknights are being snatched from the writer's grasp by hungry socialites, life suddenly becomes very difficult.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. Perhaps I just wish to illustrate the insanity involved in this task. Perhaps I'm indulging in a bit of that self-loathing that I keep hearing people like to sometimes do. Well! Enough of that. I will conquer this task and I will become the next Earnest Hemingway and Luke, I am your father.

Sorry, got a bit carried away there.

Recently, the temperature has dropped significantly. I'm talking 20 degrees, plus the sudden absence of humidity, and just within the last two weeks. Suddenly I'm wearing sweaters, long pants, and jackets to work. It feels like just yesterday I was sweating through both my undershirt and work shirt without even moving. As I am a staunch opponent of cold weather, this is frightening to me. But the bright side of this is momiji (the autumn change of the leaves' color).

This weekend is a long weekend due to that most sacrosanct of Japanese holidays: Health and Sports Day. As a result, I'm heading to Kyoto with a fellow ALT from my town. Kyoto, the cultural center of Japan, is particularly known for its momiji. Around here, the world is still largely a verdant green. But there are signs of change. The rice fields have turned into a thousand pools of sunny yellow. Scattered across the bike paths are dead, fallen leaves. Things are changing. My hope is that in Kyoto, momiji has begun.

I'll let you know later how it goes. 'Till then, take care. And don't forget to feed the children. They need their daily bread, you know.

~Jeffles

The Day of the Insects

Before coming to Japan, I was warned. The country, especially in the south, had a problem with bugs. That is to say, bugs of the worst sort claim the country as their own. The fact that there are also humans nearly everywhere has apparently been no deterrent. One might even say that it encouraged them.

Where I live, the south, is prime territory for an encounter. For instance, in the entrance to my apartment (the outside entrance, not the inside) are three large spider webs. And I seriously mean large. Each web is the size of a grade school child. In fact, I'm not entirely sure that such a child hasn't previously been caught in one of these webs. I allow them to live, however, because they are preferable to the hordes of flies and mosquitoes that the webs' residents consume every day.

There are two bugs in particular that I was warned about: the mukade and the suzumebachi. Each one is devilish in its own way. The first, the mukade, literally looks like a demon. It's a giant, red centipede with pincer-like horns (in addition to its actual pincers) and a black exoskeleton that looks like demonic armor plating. I have not yet met with one of these creatures and I hope that I never will.

Here in Japan, summers are hot. Really hot. Mostly, it's the humidity that gets you, but things are made even worse by the fact that use of air conditioning is frowned upon. At home, I don't care. I use it anyway, or else I would be constantly sitting in a pool of sweat. I love the heat, truly I do. But I don't love sitting in a pool of my own sweat, soaking through my shirt, chair, and rug. I've been in hot places before, even hotter places than Japan, but I've never sweat so much in my life. It's like being in a sauna everywhere you go.

Anyway, all of this is to say that classrooms, with around 30 hot bodies in them, get very hot in the summer without air conditioning. So people tend to keep the windows open and make liberal use of fans. The idea is to get a cross-breeze going.

Bugs often will fly in and out of the room. Butterflies seem to be the most common of these. A couple days ago, though, something else entirely flew in. And worse yet, it couldn't seem to find its way out again.

At first, I thought it was a bee. Every bug that you know of back home is larger in Japan, so it was probably just a large bee. So went my thought process. And, I figured, it was probably just passing through. Wait a minute and it would be gone. Well, three minutes later, it wasn't gone. Worse still, the entire class had ground to a halt. The teacher seemed paralyzed and the students, well, the students had essentially become a screaming mob.

I realized that, just like the teacher and the students, I was doing nothing about the situation. Was I going to be scared of a creature that I am 1000x the size of? Was I no different from a third grader? Well, put like that, I decided it was time for action, time for a gaijin smash. There didn't seem to be a fly swatter of any sort, so I grabbed the text book. I would have used my hand, but I wanted to avoid getting stung. This turned out to be a smart idea.

The bug flew near me and I swung my textbook, but missed. The students screamed as one as they realized what I was doing. "Stupid gaijin, aggravating the giant insect!" they seemed to say. Well, I thought, if I don't do it, then it ain't gonna leave. So I chased it to a window on the other side of the class room. As I continued to swat at what I thought was a giant bee, I finally understood the babbling of the students. They had been saying "suzumebachi."

Now, let's pause here for a moment and head over to wikipedia. What does it have to say about the suzumebachi? First of all, it clearly points out that this insect is not a bee, it is a hornet. An Asian Giant Hornet, to be exact. More importantly, however, it says that "Each year in Japan, the human death toll caused by Asian giant hornet stings exceeds that of all other venomous and non-venomous wild animals combined, including wild bears and venomous snakes." Yeah, that's right, the suzumebachi is deadlier than wild bears and venomous snakes.

A few more points from the wikipedia page for your perusal:

1) Its venom is potent enough to kill you even if you're not allergic to it.

2) Its venom is potent enough to dissolve human tissue.

3) Due to the fact that its mandibles are so incredibly large, it can bite and sting you at the same time.

4) It is a hornet, so it can sting you as many times at it wants, just in case it wasn't satisfied the first time around.

5) When it stings you, the chemicals in its venom attract other suzumebachi, so now you get to deal with a whole horde of them instead of just one.

So I think you'll understand why, when I heard the word "suzumebachi," I dropped the textbook and went for a weapon with a slightly larger reach. A fellow teacher passed me a broom and I wondered why no one had given me one earlier. I guess fear is to blame for that, too. Anyway, I eventually managed to trap the killer hornet behind a glass pane and slowly push it outside.

I returned to the front of the class, unharmed and a hero to thirty-odd third graders. Later that day, I noticed that my preying mantis friend had returned to my bike basket. It made me glad to know that he was safe. After all, suzumebachi like to eat those guys too.

~Jeffles

When One Week is Two and Typhoons Ruin ALL Your Fun, Blog About It!

I've been teaching now for about a week, but somehow, it already feels longer. I have to wonder why this is? Perhaps it's been so boring that I feel like I've been thrust into some sort of rut from which I can't get out? After all, they say that time flies when you're having fun, and obviously time is not flying.

I don't think that's it, though. After all, I'm not bored. Seriously, not even in the least. In fact, I feel almost as if I've been run off my feet. Every class I've been to is completely different from the others and requires a different approach. Add that on to the fact that I have eight different schools and hundreds of kids' faces and names to memorize. Whoever said that Japanese kids are all the same obviously had no idea what he or she was talking about. And then there's the travel time (by bike, of course) between schools and Judo classes on top of that. It's exhausting.

Furthermore, contrary to my earlier statement, time actually does fly. In class, I can't help but feel as if I don't have anywhere near enough time to present everything. As well, I constantly feel as if I need more time to prepare myself for class, both mentally and physically. And I'm always wondering if I'm going to actually make it to class in time. It's as if I actually don't have enough time in the day.

Yet, when I'm lying on the floor at home, I look back on everything that happened and I think to myself, "Wow, that was a long day." I think about how much I accomplished and wonder if it all really happened in only a few hours. I think it is this that my sense of an elongated work week is derived from. I am doing so many things that it seems as if each day was actually two days. Apply this to a week full of wide-eyed first-encounters and we end up with an exhausted Jeffles who feels as if two weeks have been packed into one. Frankly, I'm surprised I didn't see this coming.

In other news, a typhoon passed through the country over last weekend. As it's Thursday, this is old news. But it hasn't been mentioned on this blog, so it ain't old news here! Also, it was my first typhoon, so it deserves mention.

The storm landed on Friday morning. Friday was also my first day of school. Because of the typhoon, though, they crammed all my classes into the morning and told me to head on home after lunch. First day and things are already interesting! (I'm also fairly certain that I fended off two kancho attempts, speaking of interesting.)

The bike ride home, normally a 20 minute affair, took nearly twice as long due to the wind and rain. I had to stop two times, just to catch my breath, and am fairly certain that I would have actually made it home faster if I were walking. Thanks to that ride, I decided that there was no way I was leaving my home until the storm had passed. As it turns out, I had actually been biking home at what was essentially the worst time of day to be out.

I wasn't so lucky as to actually be able to stay inside all weekend, though. I couldn't even stay inside all day. That night was the welcome party for the new ALTs in my town (of which I am obviously one). So out I went again, though luckily the wind and rain had temporarily died down. Thinking luck was on my side, I decided to bike to the meeting spot. Bad decision.

The party itself was great. We each gave short speeches in broken Japanese to much applause, then proceeded to consume vast quantities of both food and booze. I personally spent much of the night attempting to communicate with my fellow Japanese workers to varying degrees of success. When the first party finished, we then moved on to the second location, a karaoke lounge that apparently the party had rented out. The fooding and boozing continued, of course, until I was well past tipsy.

This is when my bad decision became obvious. During the course of 5 or so hours, the typhoon's fury had returned. I had a choice to make; either bike back through the wind and rain and drunken haze, or leave my bike out in the elements and have to go pick it up the next day, when the typhoon was expected to be ever stronger and I would be in the full grip of a terrible hang over. It was a lose-lose situation.

"Let's get this over with," I thought, and proceeded to bike home. As I don't actually remember the bike ride home, I would like to believe that I made the right decision. After all, what you can't remember can't hurt you, right? Ahem...

Anyway, I stayed inside for the rest of the weekend. We ALTs had been planning to take part in a tea ceremony on Saturday, but seriously? Yeah, that wasn't going to happen.

By Sunday morning, the typhoon had gone and taken all its bad juju with it. Since then, the skies have been clear and the winds have been delightfully light. The mornings and evenings are starting to get cool, though. It looks like Fall is on its way.

~Jeffles

Farewell, Dear August

I have been in Japan for a month. I know this because August has ended and when I arrived, August had only just begun. This also means that summer is over.

For the last week or so, I've had a regular companion on my way to work. I was half-way to work one morning when I realized that there, on my bike's front basket, sat a preying mantis. At first I thought it was just a withered, curled up leaf. In fact, that leaf was two preying mantises (mantisi?), gettin' it on in the summer heat. That's right, my bike was defiled with insectoid love juices.

The next time I saw the "withered, curled up leaf," it was without its special friend. I've heard that a preying mantis will eat its lover after sex. So when I saw my lonely companion, I was a little concerned. What happened to the other one? I never found out.

The remaining preying mantis joined me on my morning bike rides to work a total of six times. By the sixth time, it was almost a friendly sight. Twice it had climbed up towards the handlebars, as if seeking comfort in my proximity. Now, I wouldn't call myself particularly squeamish, but I'm also not that fond of bugs. So even though I felt I was getting on somewhat friendly terms with this preying mantis, I was also well aware of its warrior reputation. Sadly, I must report that I rebuffed both of its advances and did not allow it to climb upon my hand.

This morning I noticed a brown, curled up leaf lying at the bottom of the staircase, twiggy legs sticking up into the air, motionless.

I have read that a preying mantis only lives for 8 or 9 months, so I won't mourn the little fella's passing. It was probably his/her time. It did, however, make me feel even stronger that something was coming to an end. I usually get this feeling at the end of the summer, but this time it seems a little bit different. This time it seems as if I'll never have a real summer again. My guess: that's because I won't.

Today I am the only person in the office. The other ALTs in my town have all started teaching at their schools, but I start tomorrow. As we have spent the last month, all of us, sitting here in this office, our sudden separation is undoubtedly fueling my sense of the "end times."

On the positive side, I expect that tomorrow I will have a renewed sense of adventure. Tomorrow I begin to teach. It will be a new experience for me and I fully expect to be both freaked out and completely immersed in my surroundings.

But for now, things are ending and that's a little sad.

~Jeffles

How To Get Killer Abs in 365 Days... or More!

So I guess this is a once a week thing now? Something like that, I suppose. Though it's only been 5 days since the last post... Whatever. Schedules were never my thing anyway.

I've decided that I'm going to become super fit by the end of my year (or two?) in Japan. This isn't because I set out to become fit or anything like that. This is simply a side effect of my life here. There are two reasons for this: 1) Biking 2) Judo.

1) Biking. I don't particularly have a choice in the matter here. I have to bike everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm quite happy to bike. It sure as hell beats walking, and I don't have a driver's license so even if I was allowed to drive, I wouldn't be able to. However, the majority of my schools are a 20 to 30 minute bike ride away. That means that on a near daily basis, I'll be biking for an hour in semi-hilly terrain. Wind, rain, snow, whatever, I'll be biking through it. I expect that is going to burn off quite a few calories.

2) Judo. About two years ago I decided I was finally going to start a martial art. This was, coincidentally, when I began a study-abroad year in Scotland. I checked out the various clubs and Judo seemed like the coolest. After talking with my sensei over the course of the year, I heard tales from her about what it was like to train in Japan. It made me really, really want to do it myself.

Flash forward to now. Since knowing that I was going to go to Japan, it has been my goal to join a Judo club. Again, this is not because I want to get fit. This is because I love Judo. I'm actually pretty bad at the sport, but that doesn't really matter to me. I do my best and I want to experience the way the Japanese teach it. After all, they invented the sport and they are still the best in the world at it. That's gotta say something. So twice a week I bike to the dojo (another 20 minute bike ride up a hill), train for an hour and a half, and bike back home. And yes, it is exhausting. That DEFINITELY burns a few calories.

A little bit about the Judo club. As I've said, I live in the inaka. Not the super inaka where towns only have a population of like 1000, but still pretty inaka. That means that there's not a lot of people here, so it's hard to have a serious Judo club. The one that is run in my town (and seems to be the only one for quite a wide area) is therefore aimed not at serious Judo practitioners, but at kids. Serious Judo practitioners would move to the serious Judo dojos, which are in the larger cities. The purpose of this club, as far as I can tell, is to instill a love of the sport in the community. As well, it is a way for the community to get together.

The structure of the lesson goes something like this. First, the kids warm up. This begins with a jog around the room. I, being the big ol' gaijin, naturally chase them around the mats while they yell their heads off out of fear at what I'll do when I catch them. Pyohoho. Then they do stretches, push ups, and sit ups. I join them in this. Then they do some floor crawling - pulling yourself across the mats using only your forearms. It sounds easy, but it's actually quite hard after the first 40 feet or so.

Next, thoroughly warmed up, we practice the forms for throwing (this is called uchikomi). At this point I separate from the kids. Makes sense, right? Why would I be practicing how to throw a 10 year old? So I get paired up with one of the sensei and they instruct me while I desperately try to understand what they're saying. It takes a little while, but it works. The good thing is that they can usually show me what they're talking about. Body language, hooray!

Finally, we go into randori. This is where my real weakness shows. Booooo. See, I don't have the stamina built up yet to do constant randori like they do. Yes, even the kids are able to do more randori than I am. I know, shameful. What is randori, you ask? Basically, it's where we go full strength at each other for three minutes straight, then switch partners and do it again. This happens about 5 or 6 times. You want tiring? Try doing ANYTHING at absolutely full strength for 15 to 18 minutes straight. Keep in mind that you also have an opponent who is matching you in strength. In my case, they're matching my strength and WAY surpassing my technique. So yeah, kind of an uphill battle.

And then it's over. Today they brought out a box full of Aquarius after practice. Aquarius is like a sport's drink. Think gatorade, but a little less sweet and with only one flavor, which I have no idea how to describe. It's kind of like... yeah, I have no idea. Sugary water with a dash of lemon, minus the bitterness? Maybe. Anyway, it's good.

So yeah, if this training routine doesn't get me fit within a year, I don't think anything will.

~Jeffles

Jeffles In Inaka

It's been a while. Honestly, I've been too busy to post much. Besides that, I don't actually have internet at home yet and there's no place with public internet access nearby. I have work, but well, it's work. Anyway, I figure it's okay for now. I get internet at home tomorrow apparently, so it's not like I'll be making a habit of this.

Right, I should explain. I'm living in Japan now. My blog title is finally accurate!

My town is a tiny place on the western border of Okayama prefecture. Well, I say tiny, but there are definitely smaller places. Out of all the inaka (middle-of-nowhere/rural places), we're probably one of the largest locations. Even so, it's pretty rural. I live in town, but the majority of the region is little more than hills upon rice fields upon yet more hills. It is absolutely gorgeous. I've already said that a thousand times to nearly everyone, but it bears repeating.

The street I live on is very much in the old Japanese style. It is a single lane (though traffic goes both ways, of course) that winds in something that may have been trying to approximate a straight line. The buildings on either side are largely wooden buildings with sliding door entrances. Nothing is larger than two stories and hidden alleyways lurk everywhere. Biking down the street is... well, feels a bit dangerous, but I haven't been hit yet. This is promising. I just have to ignore all the times I've almost been hit. :D

Next door to my apartment building is a Buddhist temple. If you're on my facebook, there's a picture of it there in my mobile uploads. I'm not sure what sect of Buddhism it is, though... to be honest, I'm a little intimidated by the place. I have yet to actually see anyone on the temple grounds. I could just pull out the gaijin card and wander in, but I'm trying to be a good neighbor!

Directly behind my apartment is what I've been told is a bar. I have to say that it looks pretty cool. It's kind of like a shed, the sort of thing that boys build in their backyard and claim as their fort. There are a couple shrines that surround it, too, and a small but well-tended yard in front. Some of the other ALTs and I have made plans to invade it at some later point... hopefully soon. It's another place I feel intimidated by...

I'm using a lot of ellipses today... I should cut down on that. Anyway, I hope that gives you a decent picture of where I'm living. My apartment itself is actually quite spacious. There's the genkan (entrance-way where you take off your shoes), a short hallway (about 15 feet long) with bathroom, washroom, and toilet room off to the side (each a separate room). Then there's a fairly large kitchen, a living room of equal size, and a Japanese-style tatami room of equal size. In Japanese measurements, it's a 6-mat room. For Americans/Canadians, I think that's about 9' x 9' for each room. It is, as I said, quite spacious.

As of tomorrow, I'll have been here for one week. It feels like twice as long, though, as every day has just been so full. Literally, every single day I've been busy. The first day we arrived, we had only enough time to get into our apartments and check out our bikes before we had to find our way to a nearby izakaya for our welcome party. Then the next day we had to set up our bank stuff and our phones (which took two days) and had another dinner out. The next day we went on a shopping trip for house items, finished getting our phones, and were granted an office-time trip to the art museum next door. That night was our first free night. I just went to sleep.

After that was the weekend and the summer festival (natsu matsuri). We had the days off to explore the town, but night time was reserved for the festival itself. The first night was the odori, or festival dance. As employees of city hall, we were expected to participate. That meant dancing in the streets for two or more hours. I lost track of time after a while. Because the dancers can't explore the festival stalls, though, we were all given booze and food for an hour before the dance began. The idea was: get drunk and dance. And yes, many people took full advantage. My alcohol tolerance didn't allow me to get super drunk, but I definitely appreciated the gesture. By the time the odori finished, I was completely exhausted. I checked out the remaining stalls and bought some yakiniku on a stick (which was so stringy - but delicious - that I nearly choked on it), hopped on my bike, and went home to sleep.

The next day was the hanabi (fireworks). It was also our sempai ALT's birthday (the ALT remaining from last year). So the town's local, unofficial, representative took us all out for some korean BBQ, which apparently is called yakiniku here (which confuses me immensely). Yakiniku means fried meat, which I thought was reserved entirely for fried beef, but I guess also refers to Korean BBQ. Anyway, that was super delicious and we headed out for the fireworks after. The fireworks were pretty spectacular themselves and I tried to take some video of it. Most of it turned out pretty blurry, but I think some of it might be usable. Apparently my camera is terrible at night-stuff. Sadness.

That marked the end of the natsu matsuri and the weekend. Yesterday I thought we would get some time just sitting around the office, but it turned out that we were off on a trip to the mountainous part of the area. One of us new ALTs has a house up there and will be teaching at schools in that area, so the bossman took us on a field trip. The mountainous area is, as is to be expected, even more rural and more beautiful. We drove around for a few hours and then got some ice cream, which was amazing. The day ended, I returned home, and I went to sleep again. Somehow, even that relatively easy day wore me out.

That was yesterday. Today has been much quieter. Our sempai ALT has gone back to the US for a few weeks. Apparently it's a big time for marriages. Go figure. I discovered that my washing machine doesn't work, so I got some help from one of the people around the office here and we went to my place to fix my washing machine. Hooray! Now I can have clean clothes! Super exciting, da ne? It was pretty funny watching him work. My Japanese isn't very good, so it ended up with him basically mumbling to himself and fiddling with things for an hour while I stood around like a scratching post. In the end everything worked out, though, and I am now eternally grateful. I was not looking forward to wearing curry-stained shirts to work.

That should more or less bring the internet world up to date. I could expand on any of the above points and illustrate the entire story, but this blog post is already long enough and there is just too much to cover!

Tomorrow the Okayama prefectural orientation begins. From what I've heard, it is not entirely useful, but I don't mind. I want to see Okayama City. And the final day we're going to Shiraishi, which is an island that has been described to me on several occasions as "a tropical paradise." I am quite looking forward to that. And it'll be cool to see how the other new JETs are doing. As I said, it's only been a week, but it feels like I've already been here for much longer.

~Jeffles